It's barely been a month since I got my mission call..
and here I am, counting down the days. Day by day, I think to myself: I'm closer to December 7th. This month I learned a couple of important things, so here I go-
Here's my problem right now: I can't just sit here and wait for the day to come. So I've come up with a plan. With a lot of fasting, prayer, and a miracle, I was able to decide on whether I should go home to California or stay in Provo for the next couple of months. Till November at least. I put a lot of prayer and thought into this choice. Simply because I knew that these next few months would be long, and wherever I need to be, would be exactly where Heavenly Father needs me to be. I was so conflicted.. I really had no idea what to do. I found myself breaking down in tears so often because I was so frustrated and did not receive a black and white answer. I thought about this choice I needed to make in the next week or so. What is it that I need to do? There were definite pros and cons in going home or staying in Provo. I wanted to go home and save up some more money. I wanted to spend time with family and relax for a few months. But I also wanted to stay in Provo where I had easy access to multiple temples, and I would for sure have my job, and attend a couple of classes at BYU for a term.
One night, a great friend of mine was able to counsel me with the exact words I needed to hear at this time of need. It was an answer to my prayers.. He told me: "Sometimes God doesn’t give you an exact answer because He knows you will make the right one. He trusts you, and sometimes it's just you.. You need to have the confidence and surety of the choice you have made and through that, He will give you the confirmation that what you are doing is the right thing. Sometimes you gotta take that step of faith into the dark and trust in God and know that everything is going to be okay. Everything works out in his timing and there is a reason for everything. And the best part about big decisions is that it means that something big is about to happen. Big decisions turn into big rewards."
The last few days of summer, I searched and searched for an apartment contract. Glenwood sold out of women's contracts literally the day after I decided to stay in Provo. It all happened overnight, not even kidding. I had no luck. I felt like this physical barrier was a very sure sign from Heavenly Father, telling me I needed to go home. Then it literally came to a point where I was three days away from moving home to California for good, and a friend knew a friend of a friend who was selling their apartment contract in Glenwood.. So I gave her a call, and I bought the contract the next day. It was a miracle, honest to goodness it was!
I moved into a new apartment, with random roomies, a new ward, continued to work, and attended an Indonesian language class on campus. Sometimes I got frustrated because I felt so out of place in Provo. I felt like everyone is just going about their life with school and dating and what not and I'm preparing to go on a mission. I guess I felt out of place because no one else is preparing to leave, and all my friends left earlier in the year, so now I'm the last one here in Provo. Sometimes I felt as if people automatically cut me off when they find out I'm leaving simply because I'm leaving a couple of months so why bother? This was probably the biggest struggle for me this month.. just trying to find purpose in Provo and trying to understand why in the world I need to be here. All in all, I decided that this is what I need to do, and I felt good about it. I felt at peace with the choice I made and I felt like this is where God needs me to be.
What's so beautiful about conflicting times is knowing that God has a sure plan. I believe in God and His timing.. I believe that there is a reason(s) why I'm reporting on December 7th. I remember hearing an audible gasp in the crowd when I read the date off at my mission call opening. People always ask me, "What are you going to do till then?" Honest to goodness, I don't really know.. All I know is that if I keep doing what God needs me to do, then it will all be just right. If I continue to do my part by building up my foundation in Jesus Christ, living gospel principles, truly praying and studying my scriptures, and expressing my desires to God, then He will answer them. I know it for a fact. Things will fall into place- I just need to trust God and do what He needs me to do with all of my heart and mind and strength.
I have absolute faith that although these next few months might be long, they are filled with precious time and lessons to be learned and people to meet and a testimony to be strengthened.. and so, the wait begins!!! (105 days, in case you were wondering;)..)